Ahoy + welcome! Let’s work through Danielle LaPorte’s The Desire Map together – if you’re new + curious, check out Part 1 to catch up 🙂
HUGE THANKS to everyone who read, commented, + shared my last post!
I truly wasn’t sure how it was going to be received, but you’ve all been so freakin’ wonderful 🙂
A little virtual love for you there – you deserve it.
Now, back to The Desire Map …
Less than 100 pages into “Book 1” (the section before the worksheets) and I’m having a lot of “f*cking duh!” + “hell yeah!” moments.
You’re not chasing the goal itself – you’re chasing the feelings that you hope attaining those goals will give you. [page 11]
Who doesn’t relate to this?!
Taking a look back at all the different career paths I’ve taken, the clarity of what I was truly seeking is coming into view:
- Modeling, acting, singing – acknowledgement for my outer existence, “natural” talent, awe, passionate attention
- Writing – respect, authority, acknowledgement as an “expert” in something
- Photography – self-expression, creative fulfillment, taking the attention off of me as an individual + focusing on what I was capable of capturing or “seeing” what others didn’t see
- Yoga – peace, serenity, calm, ease, vitality, making a tangible difference in the lives of others
It’s easy to see the progression of my self-esteem, as well as my ego, by the choices I’ve made.
Talk about an obvious pattern!
This doesn’t quite lead me to knowing how I want to feel now, but it’s good to know where you came from.
Far too often, epidemically often, we go for the external win at the cost of our internal wellness. And that’s because we don’t value inner attunement as much as we value outer attainment … we can always find ways to justify our behaviors to meet soulless goals. [pg 37, 40]
Story of my life, up to the last year or so.
It’s easy to think, especially when you’re “young”, that outer attainment will help everything fall into place. I’ve had a number of jobs that, if I stuck to it, I would have made a solid living, paid off all my financial debts, and blah, blah blah.
Of course I want to be out of debt – I dream of the day when I have no car loan, no student loans, no credit card debt. I’ve come very close to it a few times, but never quite made it – something always came up + threw me off-track.
Up to this point, my main goal has been to get out of debt.
Not living life, not making memories, just doing what I could to get out of debt.
Newsflash: I’m still in-debt. To the tune of $41,000 US.
Along the way, I’ve tried to find jobs that were financially lucrative while also being fun. During that time, I’ve also gone back to “traditional” employment a few times, hoping that the security + steady paycheck would inspire me to “settle down” (big fat NO on that one).
Having my own business is the key – now I just need to pick a topic/niche that I really am passionate about + move forward. Choose my audience, choose my topic, + create a way to blend the two.
You can’t always choose what happens to you, but you can always choose how you feel about it. [page 45]
Funny how this concept keeps showing up.
It reminds me of another quote, often attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
It’s all about choice.
Choose happy. Choose sad.
Choose positive. Choose negative.
Choose forward. Choose backward.
Make a choice + reinforce that choice every chance you have.
If someone comes along that doesn’t support the path you’re taking, then they aren’t welcome to walk the path with you.
Clarity about your true desires is so liberating because you get to stop proving yourself to everyone (including yourself) … when you’re clear on how you want to feel, you can be open to what life wants to give you. And life usually has something even better in store for you than what you’ve imagined. [page 49, 51]
Major. Ah-ha. Moment.
Stop trying to prove yourself. There is no ultimate judgement to your worth. Follow your unique path + embrace it for what it is – YOUR path (+ what a path it’s been so far!).
As far the 2nd part of the quote, I see how some could interpret it as doing nothing + letting life hand everything to you.
No way. Put in your hard work. Have goals. Have dreams.
The key is to not be disappointed when shit doesn’t go your way. Instead, be curious about the turn your life has taken + learn all you can as the lessons come.
This was a tough one for me to finally learn, but I’m getting better with it – and life keeps challenging me with it!
Negative feeling states are indicators that we’re out of sync with our Soul … Getting off track is essential to our growth … how about reframing negative feelings as wake-up calls? [page 61, 62]
No one gets depressed by accident.
There’s a trigger, a sign, an event that pulls each of us off the path of positive, forward progression + lands us right in the mud of stagnant depression.
Been there. Countless times. Trying to prevent it from happening again right now!
If you’re feeling negative, then something needs to change.
Maybe something small. Maybe something big. But once you start feeling that negativity, it’s time to start looking deeper inside to find its root.
No temporary fixes (with shopping, food, sex, gossip … etc).
Find the root. Pull it out. Push forward.
Why do we push away good feelings? Because we’re operating on the premise that what other people think actually matters to our well-being … because it feels vulnerable to feel good, and we start to fear that it won’t last … we butt back the joy because happiness is a form of power … admit to your contentment so it can grow. [page 65, 66]
We bond over disagreement, dislikes, + struggles.
“You don’t like that? I don’t either – let’s be friends!”
A strange way to bring people into your life, but it happens all the time.
Why should we be shy or reserved about feeling good; feeling well; feeling happy?
That’s a choice.
Don’t let others bring you down.
Negative feelings are natural. Feel them. Then move on.
Acknowledge your fear, then walk right by it.
Be happy with where you’re been.
Be happy with where you are now.
And be happily curious about where life will take you … because trust me, you can try to control it all, but you can’t. And you wouldn’t want to! (because “life usually has something even better in store for you than what you’ve imagined”)
NEXT WEEK: G-O-A-L-S!
(If you don’t have a healthy relationship with the ever-changing flow of your feelings/emotions, your goals will be even less predictable)
Up to page 77, what sentence or paragraph had the most impact on you + why?
COMMENT below, share your thoughts, + join the conversation!
Also, please share this post with your friends – they’ll love it as much as you do 🙂